"You're strong enough to be scared." - JJ Virgin
In this blog, I want to talk about fear. For someone that has anxiety, fear was something I needed to learn to confront. For Part 1 of this blog, I'm going to go into detail about how I started facing my fears and how you can too.
Fear is a funny thing. A common human emotion that most people experience daily. Fear shows up in different ways. Some examples of my fears are:
My post the other day on my IG (molly_o_shea) discussed how I used to struggle with bad anxiety around my loved ones getting hurt. I've always been a worry wart, but this feeling escalated after my car accident. Who knows, maybe it was because it was a random event and made me realize we can die at any moment in life. So I struggled, badly. My head was clouded with death. I would picture loved ones getting shot randomly, get in a car accident or an earthquake would hit and boom everyone is gone. Daily sobfests started to become tiresome, for me and my fiancé. I finally started to see a therapist to confront this anxiety and these fears. This wasn't a quick fix, this required going down into my roots. I needed to understand my past before I could move forward.
I thought my anxiety was just something that happened from my accident, but after a few sessions, I started to realize that fear has been with me since I was young. Understanding this helped me. I realized that it wasn't just happening because of the trauma I had experienced. Yes, it was definitely heightened, but understanding that slightly put me at ease. This put me on the right track for understanding when my fear was setting in. Without that understanding, you can't lean into fear. We need to learn into fear. If you don't lean into it, it can be debilitating.
I understood that my fears stemmed from random acts. Earthquakes, gun violence, car accidents, getting hit by a car are all random events. They can happen in a flash. It's not like someone getting sick and being given 7 months to live. It's that idea that you wake up, kiss your fiancé goodbye and poof that could be the last you see of him. That was my life. That became my normal way of thinking.
So I understood when my fear was setting in, now I needed to tell myself, you're safe, they're safe. My fiancé used to walk home from work, and I would worry everyday about him getting hurt in the dark. My therapist had me start practicing the idea of being safe.
Let me give you a little example:
Learning what my triggers were was the next step. When did these intense fears set in? This time last year, the election was a big topic on TV. I felt it was important to stay informed, so I would watch the news and keep up with what was going on in the world. I realized that the news was a HUGE trigger for me. Anytime I seemed to watch the news, something bad had just happened. Whether it was seeing a mass shooting, a terrorist attack in France or laws and legislations I did not agree with being talked about, my fear would spike through the roof. As much as I wanted to stay informed, the news was not a good mix with my anxiety. Instead of totally cutting myself off from the world, I subscribed to theSkimm. If you haven't heard of it, subscribe! They send you daily emails of what's going on in the world, but the way they write makes things not feel as daunting and scary.
These are just a few of the steps I started with when dealing with my anxiety. This took me months to master, but my life has completely transformed for the better! In my next blog, I'm going to go deeper, with more steps on how you can start leaning into fear. Until then, remember that you are not alone! If you need to talk more on this topic, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or comment below. <3